The bars may close but the blogs must go on

1.  You can count as many people as you want but do not deprive me of my beer

In yesterday’s Kenyan Daily Nation, Cabinet Minister Prof George Saitoti was quoted saying “Let us take a break from drinking…”  All bars and “entertainment places” are closed today for a public holiday, which was declared in order to conduct the 2009 Kenyan census.  Despite this, Tusker and I still have big plans tonight.  Every night since we arrived in Kenya, my traveling compadres and I have shared stimulating conversation over a Tusker or two in the hotel bar - this tradition will continue.  I only hope that we can top last night’s discussion with wrapped with the statement “Just give me two beers and a cigarette and I am a whore.”

The census holiday (declared only yesterday) forced our program to be held at a nearby hotel today instead of the usual training center.  As we walked to the hotel this morning the streets were quiet and empty.  We were thrilled because this meant that we would not have to fear for our lives as we crossed the streets.  There are no stoplights at any of the intersections, only round-abouts, which create a horrifying death trap for pedestrians (or at least for this pedestrian).  The lack of stop lights would probably be fine for a small town or city but considering the population of Nairobi is estimated at around 4 million (to be confirmed with this week’s census), it is what I fondly refer to as a “cluster fuck.”

2.  "Flying Toilet" is a technical term

One of the first things we heard about in Nairobi was the existence of Kibura, one of the largest (if not the largest) slums in East Africa.  The population of the slum is estimated at about a million (again, to be confirmed with this week’s census).   We quickly learned that there are virtually no toilets in the slum and “flying toilets” are prevalent.  We were confused at first, but my (rather blunt) colleague quickly confirmed that, in fact, this means that they “throw their shit.”  After doing a bit more research I learned that slum residents defecate in bags and the flying toilet activities are conducted at night.  Where exactly they are throwing the bags is still unclear (hopefully not in the direction of the Olive Gardens hotel) but, as you can imagine, such behavior creates an enormous public health situation.

As long as we are discussing the topic of toilets, while using the restroom yesterday I continually found the toilet seats were left up in the women’s restroom.  I am completely perplexed as to what the rational is for this and even the biggest know-it-all ever (Google) does not know.   It was a major topic of discussion at the hotel bar last night and we came up with a few ideas:

• The culture here is reversed – women leave the toilet seat up for the men
•  Health and sanitation reasons that have become a part of the culture
•  The women are not used to having a toilet seat and feel more comfortable using the restroom with it up

My rather blunt colleague attempted to get the real story today from one of the locals but when she asked the woman just laughed and immediately turned to her friend and giggled several sentences in Swahili (about how ridiculous we are, I am sure).  So, the jury is still out.

 3. I have gone completely overboard

One of today’s lectures was on the topic of human resources and leadership – during the lecture the professor was speaking about the difficulties that women leaders face in the workplace.  She told the class that women leaders must stand up for themselves although they do not need to go “overboard” and become feminists.  By this description I might just be in the deepest depths of the ocean.  I will give her the benefit of the doubt however because later in her lecture she was talking about how leaders tend to lose some of their leadership capabilities as they age – she then turned to one of our UCLA professors (who is male) and said, “you probably know all about this professor, you are pushing menopause aren’t you?”  Hilarious.

4. We are not in Los Angeles anymore Toto

The people that we are working with as a part of this program are nothing short of amazing.  They are smart, talented and passionate people that have really astounded me.   Some of their stories are simply unbelievable and I feel as though I am living in a CNN report.   Today, one of the women in my group told me about some AIDS/HIV infected people must travel across a river in order to get treatment – there are no bridges across the river.  She showed me an amazing picture of people wading though the water with bicycles to get to the clinic.  Yesterday, a man told me about women who become infected with HIV/AIDS because they sleep with fishermen in order to get fish to feed their starving families.  I compare my problems and hardships to theirs and I feel ashamed of even considering them problems.  I am so thankful for all that I have in my life and I hope that this trip has taught me to never take any of it for granted.

More tomorrow.

A coffee drinking, treadmill running, paranoid American, clearly not on her honeymoon

1.  Doctors make me paranoid

I have always felt like I was a somewhat adventurous traveler – willing to try new things and experiences. This trip my “toughness” has been tested  - one of my traveling companions is a fellow MBA student who is simultaneously getting her MD (aka crazy).  She clearly knows too much based on her medical studies and her traveling habits have made me nervous about almost everything...

• She proclaimed that I should not be washing my face with the tap water because it might get into my eyes.  She brought 12 huge bottles of water from the US for the sole purpose of washing her face and brushing her teeth.  My eyes have felt dry and itchy all day.
• Water got on her lips during a shower and she immediately doused them with hand sanitizer – I thought this was silly but I must confess that when a little water got in my mouth during my shower this morning I jumped out and gargled with Listerine.
•  Last night at dinner I had a glass of passion juice with my meal, when I told her this I thought she might fall on the floor.  Apparently I am not supposed to have any fruit, including juice.  My stomach felt uneasy most of the night.
• Today was the first day that we have actually seen mosquitoes flying around.  Despite the fact that I have been taking malaria pills and I have no bites (yet), I have been strangely itchy all day (and so has she).
• Bottles for beer and soda are reused here in Kenya – I had no idea until last night.  Today, I used a straw to drink my bottled Coca Cola.

I pride myself on being very self-aware and I know that I am just being a paranoid American – so far my health is fine.  Hopefully this paranoia will go away soon because the irrationality of it all disappoints me.

 2.  I am no coffee snob

I was quite pleased to see two 30-minute tea breaks on the agenda each day but as an avid coffee drinker, I was hopeful that there might also be a coffee option.  What I have found is instant, powdered coffee.  Delicious, it is not, but it seems to do the trick.  I’ll take it.

On the topic of coffee, what is somewhat puzzling is that the Kenyans seem to associate coffee with all things Latin.  The instant coffee today was called “Mexicana” although it was manufactured in Kenya.  The coffee shop at the hotel is called “Amigo Coffee Shop.”  Seeing as how coffee is grown throughout Africa, I don’t get it.

3. Exercising is silly

Yesterday, I was running on the treadmill in the gym at our hotel.  The security guard came in at one point and watched me for a little while, looking quite amused.  While driving to our training site today his amusement seemed somehow appropriate as we got our first real look at Nairobi.  In route, we drove by hundreds of pedestrians who were making their way to work. Our Africa-experienced colleague informed us that many of them wake up as early as 4am to begin their walking commute into the city for work.  After hearing this, a 30-minute run on the treadmill seems pretty silly to me too.

4.  You can call me a crime against nature

In each room at the Olive Gardens hotel there is a “Guest Guide” (printed on a bubble jet color printer and glued together).  At the bottom of the “Guidelines” section there is a statement that proclaims, “People of the same sex are not allowed to share rooms with one bed.”  One of my colleagues shared with me that, in fact, homosexuality is outlawed in Kenya and upon further investigation I discovered that it is regarded as a “crime against nature.”  This fact was not altogether surprising but finding such a statement in the hotel literature was a little shocking.  I guess there aren’t many people taking a big gay honeymoon to Kenya - although I cannot say I would recommend the Olive Gardens to honeymooners of any sexuality.  I think I will be keeping my lesbian card in my pocket for the next couple weeks.

More tomorrow.

Conclusions from the first 48 hours

So I am just over 48 hours into my trip to Africa (24 hours traveling and 24 hours in Kenya). I have compiled a few of my conclusions thus far.

1. Having frequent flyer “status” is akin to being a rockstar

It has been over a year since I left Deloitte but I still have “Premier Executive” status on United Airlines through the end of the year (a small token of a miserable 6 months of flying between California and Pennsylvania). This status enabled my colleague and me to upgrade to more legroom during our 10-hour flight from LAX to London. Working my status made me feel fancy (no, it does not take much).

2. Children should never fly alone on international flights

… or at least not those that I am also on. My rockstar status evaporated once we arrived in London and had to transfer to Kenya Airways for the next leg of our journey. Three unaccompanied minors were seated behind me and after only an hour of giggling, fighting and nonstop seat kicking I found myself asking  “who sends their child to Kenya alone?” The next seven hours were some of the more miserable in recent memory – not even pain pills and wine helped to make it more bearable.

3. I love Tusker

After over 24 hours of traveling, we had a short list of priorities when we finally landed in Nairobi, drinking being the first on the list. Upon arrival at our hotel we set our bags down and headed straight to the downstairs bar. We ordered the local lager, Tusker, and I must say I approve, not only of the taste but the giant bottles it is served in.

4. I also love the internet

Our hotel in Nairobi is called “Olive Gardens” despite the fact that it has no gardens or all-you-can-eat meals of soup, salad and breadsticks. It is not fancy (nicknamed “Hotel 6 – Nairobi” by one of my colleagues) but is kind of cute and does have most of the necessary modern conveniences including wireless Internet. After fulfilling our first priority of beer, I returned to my room and worked on my next set of priorities. First, I connected to what is likely the slowest high-speed Internet connection known to man. Despite this speed, my love for the Internet holds strong. I was able to call my girlfriend for free via Skype. The delay was a little ridiculous, but hearing her voice from thousands of miles away was quite amazing. Next, I called my mom– being a little less savvy about the delay, she hung up on me. I emailed her instead. Thanks to Al Gore and his Internets, my mother knows I am safe.

5. Lady Gaga and Beyonce rule the world

The familiar voice of Lady Gaga was somewhat soothing as I rode on the shuttle bus between terminals at the London airport. I felt as though Lady Gaga was my traveling companion, with me almost everywhere I go.

Lady Gaga in London did not seem that out of the ordinary, but waking up in Nairobi to Beyonce and her “Single Ladies” was strange but yet, again quite comforting.

6. I am really white

I know what you are thinking. Yes, I already knew I was VERY white before arriving in Africa but from time to time I forget. I was reminded while walking through Nairobi this afternoon (with two other white girls and a black girl who is quite the snappy dresser). Total show stoppers.

More tomorrow.

Much too old for a fake ID

After I started my job with Deloitte in 2004 I found I had very little time to take care of any personal business but somehow I managed to find one morning where I would have enough time to get a California Driver's License.  Early that morning, I rolled out of bed, threw a t-shirt on and raced to the DMV in hopes of missing the crowds.  I barely passed the written test (who knew that you had to take a written test), took my photo, and waited two weeks for my new license to arrive.  When it finally came, I regretted not taking the time to at least comb my hair before rushing off that morning.

I insist that I have never smoked pot - despite what it may look like in this picture.  And yes, I am gay, but I am not the "frightening butch" that this lovely image makes me out to be.  So, the picture was "not cute" but at least, at the time, it somewhat resembled me and I was not questioned when proving my age or identity.  But over the past several years, my physical appearance has slowly changed and the licence has become quite the problem, especially recently.  I get funny looks when using it at bars, and have even had to show secondary proof of identification a few times.  People have accused me of using a fake ID and on one occurrence, accused me of using my "old, fat mother in-laws license" (where the bouncer came up with this I am not sure but I found it simultaneously hilarious and insulting).    Newer friends (and girlfriends) have found this old ID highly entertaining, studying it for several minutes in disbelief.  

Deciding that I am much too old for a fake ID, I resolved it was time to pay the $22, brave the lines and get a new photo taken.   This time I took a shower, did my hair and makeup. I came to the realization that the photo on my ID is probably seen by more people than any other picture and I should put at least a little effort into it.  The new ID arrived in the mail yesterday, and I must say I am rather pleased with it.  It is a good picture as far as ID pictures go.

I presented both the new and old IDs to a group of friends last night because I was told that it would be a fun "stupid human trick."  One stated "you got hot" - yeah well, I guess I did.  Go me.

Out of Africa

About a week and a half ago I finished the first part of what has turned out to be a simply amazing summer internship.   I am a teaching associate for the Johnson and Johnson/UCLA Anderson Executive Management programs.  During the first six weeks of my internship I worked at UCLA Anderson with executives and managers from Community Health and Head Start organizations around the United States. My job was to teach and assist these professionals as they progressed through two-week intensive management programs but in the end, I feel that the participants gave much more to me than I did to them.  I have been inspired by their incredible passion for what they do and the populations they serve.  

The second part of my internship has the potential to be even more incredible than the first.  Next Friday, I will be traveling to Africa to assist as a teaching associate in the Management Development Institute, also an intensive management program sponsored by Johnson and Johnson, focusing on executives and mangers from HIV/AIDS organizations throughout Africa.  We will be spending one week each, in Nairobi, Kenya and Accra, Ghana. 

In the United States we have become somewhat blind to the HIV/AIDS pandemic as prevention improves and those infected are living longer.  Despite great progress in the U.S., the threat of this disease is all but over.  The number of people living with HIV/AIDS worldwide continues to rise steadily each and every year.  In sub-Saharan Africa there are over 22 million people living with HIV/AIDS, accounting for more than 5% of the total population.  Every second, 3 people die in Africa due to HIV/AIDS which as left over 11 million HIV/AIDS orphans. Africa is “ground-zero” for the  pandemic and I am both proud and excited to have the opportunity to assist the people and organizations that are working to fight both the disease its social and economic impacts.   Providing that there is time (and a reliable internet connection) I hope to document some of the insights from my trip here – get excited (I know I am).

My One and Only Visit to the Principal's Office

Recently I was reminded of the day that forever tarnished my record as a “good kid.”  It was the last day of 6^th grade and I was overjoyed that I would be leaving Arroyo Verde Elementary School for the much bigger and more important world that awaited me in the halls of Cope Middle School.  The morning progressed as expected, with various end of the year games and fun activities. Suddenly, a messenger entered the classroom with a note summoning me to the office of Mrs. Carol Purvine, Principal. 

As I made my way toward her office I was sure that I had won some type of award that she wanted to give me personally – there was no way I would be in trouble on the last day of school!  I waited outside her office for a short time, somewhat giddy with excitement.  When the door finally opened the look on her face immediately made it clear that there would be no awards.  She invited me to take a seat and closed the door.  Horrified, I sank into the chair across from her desk. 

She asked me “do you know why you are here?”  The tears started to well up in my eyes, as I quietly whispered “no.”  She said, “I have received a report from Jennifer R’s mother“ (last name has been omitted to protect the innocent – although highly obnoxious and slightly disgusting).  Upon hearing this name I flashed back to a couple days before when I had called Jennifer, among other things, a lesbian.  My stomach churned and I began to squirm in my seat.

I was speechless as she continued, “do you know what the word lesbian means?”  I shook my head (I am pretty sure I knew what it meant at the time but I was not about to say it out load and certainly not to the Principal).  She proceeded to tell me what the word meant and that I should not be calling my classmates this word because it was very hurtful.  She mentioned she was surprised that I would be using such language because I had always been a good student.  She made me promise to never to use the word again.  She also told me that she would not pass the information onto my parents so as long as I agreed to apologize to Jennifer.  She gave me a hug as I agreed to adhere to her requests (I doubt that most visits to the Principal’s office end in a hug but I guess I was probably pretty pathetic and slightly adorable in that moment).  I was somewhat relieved as I left her office, but suddenly the tears were uncontrollable, they filled my (highly fashionable) glasses and I had to go to the bathroom to calm down before returning to the fun and games that awaited me in my classroom.

I don’t really remember anything else that day except for a lot of tears – I could not believe that Jessica Bonham actually ended up in the Principal’s office to be reprimanded – unthinkable!  Now I find the events of that day to highly ironic and absolutely hilarious for obvious reasons.  I hope you do too.

2008/2009 Lessons Learned

Last year, around this time, I posted a blog on my Lessons Learned for the first-half of 2008.  As many of you expected, I never came through on finishing out this list for 2008 but I have compiled a list (starting from where I left off last July) that should bring you all up to date on many of my stupid mistakes and ah-ha moments over the last year...

• Six days is a really long time to go without washing your hair.
  
• Loving Los Angeles is entirely possible.
  
• Even after a long hiatus, I am still pretty good at school.
  
• Some people can do some pretty amazing things with Craigslist.
  
• I am really gay, or at least according to Google.
  
• My family is fun, dorky and highly inappropriate.
  
• Vomiting on Santa Monica Boulevard may be a funny story to tell but is never classy.
  
• Yes, we will.
  
• Most of the time big white vans are manned by rapists and kidnappers, but every once in a while Jesus takes the wheel.
  
• You do not really get a toaster oven.
  
• Never put your phone in your back pocket – or at least not when you are about to use the restroom.
  
• I can live on a budget, without really trying.
  
• Most everyone is at least a little socially awkward.
  
• Cookies are much better than flowers.
  
• It does not matter how much time you have, it is never enough.
  
• As long as there is morphine and a cute girl, breaking your wrist can be a highly enjoyable experience.
• Roller-skating is like riding a bike.
  
• Playing softball is not like riding a bike.
  
• When people do double and even triple takes at your driver’s license, it is time for a new one.
  
• Mixed tape creation is a fine art.
  
• I am old enough to have had a friend for almost 20 years but I AM NOT “like 30.”
  
• I am very quotable.
  
• I can run 13.1 miles, and much faster then I would have ever imagined.
  
• Virtual farming is highly entertaining.
  
• Cupcakes are as delicious at 26 as they were at 5, yogurt is even better.
  
• Some people think I am a real Bad-Ass
  
• When you realize your little sister is a grown up it makes you really sad and really happy all at once.
  
• “Tiny” and “stick figure” can be words used to describe me.
  
• I am incapable of overcoming my addiction to coffee.
  
• Wearing a dress is not as scary as I remember.
  

25 Random Things à la Facebook

I gave in to the latest Facebook craze and thought I would immortalize my '25 Random Things' here.

1. My car's name is Maizy Mazda and my computer's is Fiona Apple.

2. I am ENTJ - light on the E.

3. When I was little, my parents called me "skinny mini legs" - now they just call me Jess.

4. My maternal ancestors are English convicts that were shipped to Australia - my paternal ancestors came on the Mayflower. Yes, I do the white girl dance.

5. I fanaticize about tackling the religious zealots in Bruin Plaza often.

6. I went to business school to find myself but now I am worried that "myself" does not reside at UCLA Anderson.

7. My wrist is the first bone I have ever broken besides the countless toe casualties at the hands (or feet?) of my parents' couch.

8. I am not particularly good at sleeping, reading for leisure or anything that requires rhythm (with the exception of the Greatest Love of All).

9. My priorities have changed very little since I was 6; 20 years later playing outside is still near the top of the list.

10. I will eat (and probably like) almost anything, but the mere sight of baby corns makes me want to vomit.

11. Napping to the sound of Rachel Ray's 30 Minute Meals is one of my most treasured past times.

12. I have my own dictionary, some selections include:

• Moonile – Ouch
• Bugbite – Appropriate for any occasion that warrants whining
• Fro / Froto / Fruity Muffin / Muffler – Lacey
• Lorter – Mom
• Roni / Summer Soltice – Sully the dog
• Lesbian Overlord – Carrots (or maybe it was the peas?)
• Molly / Peter / Lucy – Ali
• Honkshoe – Boring
• Smelly Christmas – Gross
• Empezo! – Nothing in particular but it must be shouted 

13. I am proud of my gold star. 

14. I have never done illegal drugs but I once ate an entire box of fudgsicles in Regan's back seat and I do respond to the nickname "Puff."

15. I take song lyrics very seriously but make exceptions for the works of The Spice Girls and Britney.

16. As an 11 year old, I decided to pursue religion. I set out alone on my bike to attend my local Baptist church. After two Sundays, I decided that sleeping in was a more spiritual experience.

17. I hated LA but then I moved here.

18. I used to bribe my sister to clean my room for 25 cents. I had to save her life to make it up to her.

19. I use a Mac but feel smarter when I use Windows.

20. Consulting may be the perfect profession for me - I just wished I liked it.

21. I hate running but I hate it when I cannot run.

22. I had a lazy eye that went away at 15 but still surfaces from time to time in the form of squints and looks of confusion.

23. I quit soccer after 8th grade because I thought my teammates were bitches - I still regard this as one of my worst decisions of all time.

24. I have a very low tolerance for laziness, poor time management and smelly people.

25. This might just be my favorite time in my life. 

I will run that 8 minute mile, dammit.

This is a totally random post knowing that I have about 3 other planned posts that I have yet to write, but I am so excited that I cannot resist. Some of you are aware of a certain "8 minute mile" that has tormented me for over a decade now but for those of you that are not here is some background: 

Picture this, 15 year old Jess, a Sophomore at Sabino High School trying out for the softball team (please do not laugh at my bangs, huge glasses or excessively baggy jeans).  

I started playing softball at the very late age of 14 after giving up a lifetime of soccer (which I still regard as a ridiculous decision but that is a whole other post).  At first, I found myself a bit intimidated to be playing with people that had been playing their whole lives but as the season progressed I began to hold my own, finding my position at third base and my place on the team. 

With only one year of experience under my belt, I decided to try out for my high school team.  I knew that my chances were slim as Sabino was somewhat of a softball powerhouse but I went for it anyway.  Tryouts went surprisingly well and I was feeling pretty good at mid-week until I found out that I would need to run the mile in 8 minutes or less to make the team.  It is beyond me as to why this was necessary as I doubt I have ever run more than 100 meters at any one time while playing softball, but who was I to argue.  We had a few chances but no matter how hard I tried I could barely crack the 9-minute mark.  I didn't make the team and although I may not have made it anyway, the 8 minute mile has haunted me ever since.  Discouraged but not defeated, I kept playing softball through the rest of high school and in college as opportunities presented themselves - I got better each year but never had the courage to try out again.

A few months ago I finally was able to run the mile in 8 minutes flat.  At the time, I thought that was enough to help me get over it but it has still continued to bug me.  After tonight though, I think I may finally be able to move on with my life.   I ran the mile in 7 minutes and 13 seconds.  As I jogged home from the track I thought to myself “I will run that 8-minute mile, dammit” - now I just have to start playing softball again.  After a hiatus of five years I am somewhat frightened that all of my skills have faded but I think it is worth a shot...

The End of the Year Wrap

The small stuff:

1.  Watch TV for 3 hours or less per week - Success! - I no longer have cable so there is not even the option to waste multiple hours in front of the Food Network or any of my other choice domestic-focused brain drains.  In spite of this seemingly monumental achievement however, I have managed to find many other ways to waste my time - the lesson I have learned is that I am and probably always will be a procrastinator.   There appears to be no hope for changing this unfortunate character flaw - with TV or without.

2. Take the dog on a walk each morning - Somewhat irrelevant- With the divorce Sully moved back to Arizona with my parents in February.  Here she gets walked nearly every day and has a canine companion to call her very own.  It seems that Arizona is where she will stay.

3.  Stop drinking soda - Mostly successful - I do indulge in the occasional soda but in a way that I feel is entirely healthy.

4.  Keep a regular workout schedule - Success!  - I have become fairly obsessive about regular workouts and find some way to run or get to the gym almost every day.  In a somewhat turbulent year this has been my release.  

5. Eat healthier - Less than successful - I made it through most of the year (when I was still employed) doing fairly well with this but since becoming a student my diet has become alternating meals of peanut butter and jelly, quesadillas and bagels.  I would like to say I will try harder in the new year but I fear my attempts may be dire.  Despite a poor performance, I have more than achieved my goal of 30 pounds this year - most of the credit being due to my success in #4.  For the first time in a very long time I am a "healthy weight" or at least according to Mr. BMI.

The big stuff:

1. Start my novel - Complete failure -  This is still something that I hope to do someday but it does not seem to be achievable in the near term future.

2. Go back to school - Success!- I have made it through the first quarter of my studies at UCLA Anderson.  I am SO glad that I made the decision to take a two year "pause" in my career.  I have already done a lot of reflecting and although I am still not sure what I "want to be when I grow up" I feel like I have a much better idea of where my life is heading than I did a year ago.

3. Make 2008 about me - Success! - I have been one selfish SOB this year and I am rather proud of it.

Clearly ready for Change, Kind of

The last 24 hours have contained moments of both unspeakable excitement and incredible disappointment. I thought I might say a few words about both…

First, the good news is that we will have a new president in White House in January, and even more exciting, a president that people actually like. Domestically, Obama was elected by a margin greater than any other democratic president since Johnson. Internationally, the Los Angeles Times reported that if it were a global election Barack Obama would have won, “not by a landslide, but an avalanche.” I had tears in my eyes as I listened to Obama speak last night. I felt energy that I have difficulty explaining. Luckily, my little sister sent me a text message this afternoon that said “Your hero won the election. How do you feel? Was it orgasmic?” Although I have never claimed that Mr. Obama is my hero, I do have to say that his election was teetering on orgasmic (thanks Lacey).

Despite overflowing enthusiasm for the change on the horizon in America, I am filled with disappointment in my home state. I thought I had prepared myself for the worst, but today I still find myself shocked and angry at the voters for passing a proposition that will inject discrimination into our state constitution. I am troubled that people continue to use “God” as a means of rationalizing their fear and hatred despite the fact that our country was founded on the basis of separation of church and state, not to mention universal freedom. The stripping of my rights to marry has been both degrading and humiliating and I am awestruck that “separate but equal” style prejudice has made its way into what I once regarded as the most liberal and progressive state in the nation.

In the aftermath of the election (and my first set of business school mid-terms) I am both emotionally and physically exhausted and have begun a struggle to decide if the glass is half-empty or half-full. For now I am optimistic. Obama’s election and the expansion of the Democratic majority in Congress indicate that change is coming, it may take time but eventually we will get there. Seeing the incredible support for the “No on 8” campaign from young people on the UCLA campus, gay and straight alike, has made me hopeful that change is inevitable as the American youth comes of age.

As you might imagine, the fight for gay marriage has only just begun. First there are close to 2 million ballots that have still not been counted that could change the results. I am fully aware that this prospect is improbable but I feel strongly that every vote should be counted. In addition, there have been several lawsuits filed challenging proposition 8 results by the ACLU, the National Center for Lesbian Rights, Lambda Legal, Santa Clara County and the cities of San Francisco and Los Angeles. The argument is that proposition 8 results will not just amend the constitution but revise it which means it must receive approval from the state legislature. The merit of these lawsuits is unclear at this point and I have read both positive/negative commentaries on the probability of them making a difference. So do stay tuned, I know I will.

Coming out on Prop 8

I have been "out" to most for nearly a decade, but as I find myself in a new city surrounded by people who don't know my story I find myself retracting back "in". Being single makes it really easy to avoid divulging my sexuality and I have never really been one to introduce myself as "Hi, I am Jessica and I am a lesbian." For a number of reasons, I have done an altogether terrible job of being "out" in my new circles. Up until now I haven't really thought much about it because I have always wanted people to know me as a person, not just "the lesbian," but with Proposition 8 on the ballot in less than a month, I have done some careful reflection over the last couple days and have realized the importance of being out in order to communicate the message of "No on 8" in a meaningful way. I have decided that National Coming Out Day is an appropriate day to share the following post.

I have been posting "No on 8" on my status on gchat, myspace and facebook for the last several weks and yesterday I got a note from an old friend reporting "I now know what 8 is and I will be voting no." At first I was happy to hear the news but then I thought to myself that it was scary that this friend didn't know what Proposition 8 was until yesterday whereas I have been thinking about it for the last several months. I realized that what may be most critically important at this stage is to communicate the message of what Proposition 8 actually is:

So what is it? It is quite simple actually, Proposition 8 Eliminates the right of same-sex couples to marry. In May of this year the California Supreme court ruled that the statutes that limit marriage to a relationship between a man and a women violated the equal protection clause in the California Constitution and same-sex couples have been able to marry in California since June 17th.

Also of importance, is what Proposition 8 is not. Proponents of Proposition 8 have come up with some interesting things that they think gay marriage rights will do to other institutions in California. The reality however is that allowing your gay friends, neighbors and co-workers to marry will have little impact on anyone other than gay people, their friends and family. The one exception may be that gay marriage will actually inject much needed financial capital into the struggling California economy (there have already been over 11,000 marriages since the Supreme Court ruling legalized marriage on June 17th of this year). Seriously though, despite what you may hear, gay marriage will not:

- Provide a slippery slope to the legality of polygamist marriages or marriages between you and your favorite goat
- Make a provision that the California education system will have to teach students about same-sex marriages
- Eliminate the "tax exempt" status from churches who refuse to marry same-sex couples

Now that that is cleared up, the next most important thing is to communicate why it is important to vote no on 8. Proposition 8 is a human rights issue, plain and simple, and I think the best way to demonstrate the importance of a "no" vote is to humanize the issue and how it will effect me. This proposition is an attack on my rights as a citizen of the State of California. It will actually take away my right to marry - this is an important distinction to Proposition 22 which passed in the year 2000. Although I am single and have no intention of getting married in the near future this issue is important to me as it seeks to place my past and future relationships in a category which makes them less important and meaningful than a straight relationship. The seven year relationship I shared with my ex Ali was every bit as meaningful as a seven year relationship between a man and a woman and deserved equal treatment, dignity and respect under the law. I trust that my friends, family and other people that might stumble on this post will realize the importance of their "No" vote on this proposition and what it means to me personally. In closing, I have three simple requests:

Please register to vote if you have not already
Please vote, and
Please vote "No" on Proposition 8

25 in a Lifetime

While unpacking a few weeks ago I found an assignment that I completed in seventh grade called “Twenty Five in a Lifetime.” I found it enlightening and entertaining to read what my 12 year old self wanted to do with my life. I have done many of the things on the list already, others still remain for my future and many are just plain hilarious, enjoy…

1. Get a master’s degrees (and maybe a PHD) – quite fitting that this is #1 on the list
2. Making it to a college that I want to go to (Stanford) – I didn’t go to Stanford (in fact I didn’t even apply) but I loved my time at the University of Arizona
3. Get married - check
4. Get into the I school I would like to go to in Tucson, AZ (University High) – again, didn’t even apply but I wouldn’t change a thing
5. Have a job as a lawyer – no longer on the agenda, I have chosen an alternate money hungry career path
6. Get a job doing something before age 15 – I must have been crazy and apparently I hadn’t heard of child labor laws
7. Buy my own car by age 17 – Daddy bought it
8. Live in a mansion on beach in Australia – Ambitious but I guess it could still happen.
9. Get a driver’s license - check
10. Go scuba diving – still on the list
11. Have a swimming pool in the shape of a rock guitar –I must have been watching MTV cribs a little too much
12. Stop pollution – a little ambitious for me at this point although I am still committed to doing my part
13. Help establish world peace – still on the list
14. Live on Mars – I think I prefer the mansion in Australia
15. Marry a rich man – My agenda has changed
16. Stop gang violence – Can you tell I was a child growing up in Southern, CA? No longer on the top of my to do’s.
17. Go parasailing - Possible
18. Fly in an air balloon – Apparently I hadn’t yet realized my fear of heights.
19. Go hand gliding – No thank you – again with the heights.
20. Travel around the world – Still on the list!
21. Fly a plane – I will leave this to the experts.
22. Go snow and water skiing – Still on the list
23. Invent a homework machine – I was a little comedian
24. Meet JTT – I never did meet Jonathan Taylor Thomas, and am now totally okay with that!
25. Never get in trouble with the law – So far so good

I have decided to author a new Twenty-Five in a lifetime that I can go back and look at 15 years from now to see how I have evolved. I will post the new list once it is complete but as a sneak preview I can promise there won’t see any items related to Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Mars or rock guitars.

2008 Lessons Learned

In consulting you always track "lessons learned" during each project in order to note all of the stupid mistakes you have made, the good things you have done and just plain "ah-has." Bored during my six hour flight last night, I decided I should do the same for my life. Here are my lessons learned for the first half of 2008 -

• Figuring out who you are and what you want might cost you everything but is priceless.
• The place where you got married will always make you emotional – especially when you are divorced.
• Public transportation can get you pretty much anywhere – your feet can get you the rest of the way.
• Your hair falls out and turns grey at 25 when you work in consulting.
• Never assume significant events in your life are significant to others – you might just be a name on the list.
• It is really embarrassing to gain weight during a weight loss challenge.
• When you are not sure what is wrong with you – cry.
• Pennsylvania is one my least favorite places on earth.
• I do not want to live in a Wilshire high rise, even if I could afford it.
• I cannot drink like I used to.
• Running is the most boring activity I have ever been addicted to.
• My wife may be my ex but she is still my best friend.
• New York is a great place to visit but I will never live there.
• After a while being tired feels normal.
• Clearly I am not cut out for Botox.
• Allowing a bartender to serve you free drinks all night is probably never a good idea.
• Our Country is not ready for a woman president but may be ready for a black man.
• Orange County is where all the republicans hang out in California.
• Sacramento is like paradise when you are arriving from Harrisburg.
• I accomplish less when I am bored than any other time of my life.
• My dog is happier with my parents but cannot run more than 19 minutes.
• I am really bad at steering canoes.
• When you are a Bonham it is socially acceptable to tackle your daughter or niece when playing ultimate Frisbee (even if you are on the same team).
• I can and will be delayed any time I fly.
• My job gives me a lot of exciting opportunities but makes me miss out on my life.
• Sutter Health is a disaster of a company and I do not feel guilty about the Blackberry.
• Being drunk at 9am is okay when you are dressed as Tweedle “Double” Dee and walking the streets of San Francisco.
• When you lose your friend in the train station just get on the next train.
• I might like latinas but I do not like Latina Night at the Biz.
• Drinking beer on the river may be one of the most enjoyable activities ever.
• I miss Tucson.
• I will not get into whatever business school I want but I will get over it.
• “I don’t eat mammals” sounds funny to some people.
• I am fascinated by my family and its history.
• Being “divorced” by your cousin seems like a joke at first but it makes you really angry after a while.
• They pour out the 4th espresso shot when you order a grande americano but sometimes they give it to you for free (and contrary to popular belief you do not have to sleep with the Barista).
• Lesbians intimidate me.
• I really can eat ice cream until the cows come home.
• Family reunions are best when they are high on the cheese factor.
• Despite my best efforts, I will live in Los Angeles.
• You hate your job a lot when you are only a few weeks away from quitting.
• I will not get last place in a 5K.
• Going to a Broadway show by yourself is better because nobody makes fun of you when you cry.
• Some people never change – some people will never be the same.
• Live music makes you wish you were in love.
• You should listen when a good friend tells you to get over it.
• There is scandal lurking around every corner.

Decision 2008

Besides voting for president, there is one other important decision to update you on this year:

The results are in (they have actually been in for a couple of weeks now – sorry for the delay) and I am off to UCLA this fall. Berkley decided that there are better candidates to take their available slots this year and FINALLY gave me my denial letter. Although I was disappointed by the results (and the four months of waiting) I am more than excited to be heading off to Los Angeles in August. A part of me feels that I will end up in the Bay area eventually but I guess now is simply not my time – as long as global warming does not progress too rapidly, San Francisco should be there when the time is right.

I will be quitting work in 59 days (to be exact) and can barely stand the two month wait. If you recall “senioritis” from your senior year of high school you may understand how I feel right now. I have almost zero motivation at work each day – I have become a first class slacker. Traveling to Pennsylvania every week (and Harrisburg, PA to boot) does not really help my situation. I am so tired of dreary Harrisburg, airplanes and the Chicago O’hare airport that I could scream. The meal allowances, hotel and airline miles are nice but I am not really sure it is all really worth the toll that is taking on my body (or social life). I cannot wait for it to be over -school starts in mid-September so I will have about 6 weeks to pack, move my crap, get settled and relax a little. I just registered for a trip to canoe the Colorado in Black Canyon, AZ with a group of my new classmates in late August – I am super excited!

I am in the roommate search process right now and all of that is going surprisingly well – I am talking with two girls who are also new UCLA admits and we all seem like we will get along just fine. I am not sure exactly when I will move yet but I have narrowed it down to sometime in the first three weeks of August. “Coming out” to potential roommates has been an interesting experience but I have gotten nothing but positive reactions thus far – what a relief. I have not had to come out to roommates since I was 18 years old and although I have been fairly fortunate with the reactions thus far, I hope that I don’t have to do it too many more times in my lifetime.

More will come on the move, school and my canoe trip soon…

Lyrics (apparently bi-monthly now) - Table for One - Passenger

I'm back... be on the look out (Lacey) for a post in the very near future that is not just lyrics. Traveling to Pennsylvania every week has burdened me with a type of fatigue that my body has never known, making me less than eager to write, but at the same time has left me with a lot to say. More to come soon, I promise.

Table for One - Passenger
So I sit on this table for one
And pour me a drink that'll last
I'm not drunk I just miss being young
And I grew old too fast

My wife she breaks and she bends
My children they don't understand
I came here tonight in search of a friend
But I'm the invisible man

'cause I've swallowed my tongue
and I've polished my gun
and I've sat on my secrets for years
with my stiff upper lip
my composure won't slip
and I've hidden each silent salty tear

I sit on this table for one
And I have been here before
It's a little less than I'd had in mind
But I wouldn't ask for more

And my mother she taught me to write
And my father he taught me his trade
And I wish that they could both be here tonight
To see what a mess I've made

'cause I've swallowed my tongue
and I've polished my gun
and I've sat on my secrets for years
with my stiff upper lip
my composure won't slip
and I've hidden each silent salty tear

my sons and my daughters don't know me at all
I've dug in trenches and put up walls
I whisper I love you each night as they sleep
But no one hears me when I speak
On this table for one

So I sit on this table for one
I won't go till they tell me to leave
Why'd they teach me to follow my dreams
When dreams are all they can be?

Darlin' Do Not Fear - Brett Dennen

I kind of just want someone to sing this song to me right now...

Darlin' Do Not Fear - Brett Dennen
When I arrived in my old set of clothes
I was half a world away from my home
and I was hunted by the wolves
and I was heckled by the crows
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know

Alongside my innocence I laid in bed awake
conflicted and in chains with the impetus of age
but like a phantom she crept across the floor and out the window
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know

From its place on the mantel my heart was taken down
scattered in a thousand little pieces on the ground
and I below the streetlamp like an orphan with a halo
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know

cuz it won’t last
worries’ll pass
all your troubles they don’t stand a chance
and sometimes it takes more than a lifetime to know
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know

Your confidences fall as your faith etched in stone
neither could comfort you from the wild unknown
so bury your burning hatred like a hatchet in the snow
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know

If you have a broken heart or a battered soul
find something to hold onto until they go
to help you through the hard nights
like a flask filled with hope
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know

cuz it won’t last
your worries’ll pass
all your troubles they don’t stand a chance
and it always hurts the worst when it’s the ones we love the most
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know

sometimes your path is marked in the sky
sometimes it falls too thin in between the lines
sometimes all you can do is say no
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know

I said when I arrived in my old set of clothes
I was half a world away from my home
and I was hunted by the wolves
and I was heckled by the crows
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know
I said Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know

We said Darlin’ do not fear…

Little White Lies

Since it has been over two months since my last resolution update I decided it was time. I have been putting this off because I wanted to have some type of major accomplishment to report. My accomplishment you ask? For the first time ever, I can honestly say that my driver’s license accurately reflects my weight. I know some of you are laughing right now (I probably would to) but after lying for almost a decade now (sometimes with MUCH bigger lies than others), it feels good to have rid my conscience of at least one little white lie. Unfortunately this accomplishment may be short lived as my license is up for renewal in September. It will be interesting to see if I am again compelled to reduce my actual weight by 10 pounds or so… I know, I am crazy, but ask most any other women and you will find that we are all crazy (but you knew that already, right?).

Needless to say, the healthy eating and exercise regimens have been paying off; not as quickly as I might have hoped but with frequent lapses in judgment and a seemingly unbreakable habit of drinking my weight in beer… I really have no grounds to complain. I am about 40% complete with my 30 pound resolution (that’s 12 pounds for those of you that are a little slow with the math). It may seem like I am ahead just by looking at the numbers but I know that it will get harder and harder as the year goes on. This in mind, I have been trying something new the last couple days that might help to speed things up… actually tasting my food. As much as I love food, it may be surprising that I typically inhale my meals, not really tasting much of anything. I have slowed it down and I can already tell that it will help me to eat less. More on this effort soon…

An update on the other resolutions:

Limit Television – I have been horrible with this one over the last several weeks. Although I am not nearly as bad as I was pre-resolution I admit I have been spending many an hour on my couch lately. I am hoping that this post will give me some renewed willpower and help me to say no to the seductive powers of the Food Network, Bravo, TLC and CNN.

Walk the Dog – I never really got this one going and now that the dog has moved back to Arizona I am taking it off the list. I thought about trying to get up and take walks by myself but I am simply not a morning person and it seems that I may be incapable of overcoming this fact, at least not this year. Right now it is an accomplishment if I can get to work by 9am so doing anything additional in the morning seems like a bad idea if I want to keep my job.

No Soda – I have been perfect on this resolution! No cheating… damn I am good. I have substituted soda with water mostly but lately I have been branching out and trying other drinks although somewhat unsuccessfully. There is a lot of nasty beverages out there… do not try Hansen’s Sugar Free Sparkling Sheek; it is quite possibly the most repulsive liquid I have ever put in my mouth.

Start my Novel – Still not started and I am still reading my first “research” book… I still have 9 months left though – the resolution was start the novel, not finish itJ

Go Back to School – Not a whole lot of new news to report on this one. Still on the damn waitlist at Haas but should hear something new by the end of the month. I have decided that if the answer is either “no” or “you’re still on the waitlist” I will move forward with putting the deposit down at Anderson. Anderson may not be my first choice but it is a damn good choice! After visiting the school a couple of weeks ago I am excited about the program, the people and even a little bit about LA (or at least about the beach)!

Make 2008 about Me – Well it hasn’t been about anyone else yet so I guess I am doing okay with this one.

Paper Aeroplane - Angus and Julia Stone

Paper Aeroplane - Angus and Julia Stone

I spilled the ink across the page trying to spell your name
So I fold it up and i flick it out
Paper Aeroplane
It wont fly the seven seas to you
Cause It didnt leave my room
But it awaits the hands of someone else
The garbage man

Got to say mmm mmm mmm X2

So he opens it up and reads it out to all his friends
Amongst the crowd a heart will break and a heart will mend
He walks on home tired from work
The letter falls from his hand
He reaches out only to catch the sky
Its gone with the wind

Got to say mmm mmm mmm X2

I spilled the ink across the land
Trying to spell your name
UP and down there it goes
Paper Aeroplane
It hasnt flown the seven seas to you
But its on its way
It goes through the hands
Then to someone else
To find you girl

Got to say mmm

A Message of Hope

Despite being largely on the fence earlier this year, I voted for Hillary in the Super Tuesday primary. My decision was grounded in two main areas:

First, as you might imagine I find Hillary’s focus on fixing the healthcare system as particularly attractive - I don’t think she has the solution, but I do think that her passion will help her and others to develop the right solution once she is in office. I have not seen this same passion on the issue of healthcare from any other candidate.

Second, Hillary’s dedication to feminist ideals throughout her career is deeply important to me as a woman. Her first-hand understanding of the challenges that stand in the way of women in America, paired with over 30 years of activism, gives me hope that she will continue move feminism forward.

Over the last two months I have watched as Hillary has gained and lost a lead in the delegate race. Although the battle is getting tough, she still has my full support and I am hopeful that she might pull out the nomination.

With that said, today, for the first time (ever) I was deeply moved by a politician. This morning Barack Obama delivered the most meaningful political speech of my lifetime. Although the speech came in response to media frenzy over what another man had said, the message he gave was not just a response but an inspiration.

His heartfelt words told the story of our nation’s troubled past and how it has shaped our troubled present. He called attention to the deep seated racism that most are afraid to mention, the racism that has been ingrained in white, black, Latino, Asian and Native American people for centuries now. He was not afraid to say that racism always was and still is a part of who we are. Although we have tried to hide and ignore this problem for as long we have realized it is a problem, it remains.

Despite calling attention to America’s dirty laundry, he left me hopeful. He made me feel proud to be an American; something that I have not been able to say for a very long time. He made me remember that America is full of good people, with good hearts and good intentions. The hatred that sometimes surfaces in our day to day lives comes from a long history of discrimination that has been entrenched in our culture and has been proliferated by bad policy decisions and an irresponsible media. The wounds of the past are deep, but we are capable of healing with the right vision and the right leader.

Although I wholeheartedly support Hillary, I have no doubt that Obama will serve our nation well as president. If he ultimately wins the nomination at the convention this summer I will proudly cast my vote for him in November and look to him to lead us out of our past and into a brighter future.

If you have not heard or read Obama’s speech I strongly encourage you to do so and share it with anyone and everyone that is willing to listen. The message he delivers is not meant for the ears of white people or black people, it is meant for the ears of the American people and each and every one of us can find meaning and hope in his words.

The Transcript - http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/03/18/politics/main3947908.shtml
The Video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWe7wTVbLUU

**Help Jess win a $1,000 Scholarship - Please comment on this post at http://www.progressiveu.org/030438-message-hope**