My One and Only Visit to the Principal's Office

Recently I was reminded of the day that forever tarnished my record as a “good kid.”  It was the last day of 6^th grade and I was overjoyed that I would be leaving Arroyo Verde Elementary School for the much bigger and more important world that awaited me in the halls of Cope Middle School.  The morning progressed as expected, with various end of the year games and fun activities. Suddenly, a messenger entered the classroom with a note summoning me to the office of Mrs. Carol Purvine, Principal. 

As I made my way toward her office I was sure that I had won some type of award that she wanted to give me personally – there was no way I would be in trouble on the last day of school!  I waited outside her office for a short time, somewhat giddy with excitement.  When the door finally opened the look on her face immediately made it clear that there would be no awards.  She invited me to take a seat and closed the door.  Horrified, I sank into the chair across from her desk. 

She asked me “do you know why you are here?”  The tears started to well up in my eyes, as I quietly whispered “no.”  She said, “I have received a report from Jennifer R’s mother“ (last name has been omitted to protect the innocent – although highly obnoxious and slightly disgusting).  Upon hearing this name I flashed back to a couple days before when I had called Jennifer, among other things, a lesbian.  My stomach churned and I began to squirm in my seat.

I was speechless as she continued, “do you know what the word lesbian means?”  I shook my head (I am pretty sure I knew what it meant at the time but I was not about to say it out load and certainly not to the Principal).  She proceeded to tell me what the word meant and that I should not be calling my classmates this word because it was very hurtful.  She mentioned she was surprised that I would be using such language because I had always been a good student.  She made me promise to never to use the word again.  She also told me that she would not pass the information onto my parents so as long as I agreed to apologize to Jennifer.  She gave me a hug as I agreed to adhere to her requests (I doubt that most visits to the Principal’s office end in a hug but I guess I was probably pretty pathetic and slightly adorable in that moment).  I was somewhat relieved as I left her office, but suddenly the tears were uncontrollable, they filled my (highly fashionable) glasses and I had to go to the bathroom to calm down before returning to the fun and games that awaited me in my classroom.

I don’t really remember anything else that day except for a lot of tears – I could not believe that Jessica Bonham actually ended up in the Principal’s office to be reprimanded – unthinkable!  Now I find the events of that day to highly ironic and absolutely hilarious for obvious reasons.  I hope you do too.