Remember When - Tim Myers and Schuyler Fisk

Because I <3 California...

Remember When - Tim Myers, featuring Schuyler Fisk
Remember when we used to laugh where the summer grass would grow
Racing through the orange grooves, the ocean light reflecting in your eyes
But now you're so far from here, I hope this letter brings you near.
What we had in our California
I'm still here and I'm waiting for you, California
I remember starlight skies, where the palm trees tower high
Lay our backs down on the sand, watch the golden moonbeams orbit round
But we were so much younger then and I have weathered different seasons.
If I get back to California,
Until then I’ll be thinking of you,
What we had in our California, California
I wish I would have known, that you’re not coming back
But it's not that simple because I didn't want to hurt you
But you just left me in the cold without any warning
Well I'm a wife and mother now, that’s the life that I am living.
And I can't go back to California
You say it's too late but I still adore you
No we can't go back but I’m thinking of you
But I can't let go of our California, California, California

I <3 California

I recently received a lovely notice of my rejection from Northwestern. Although upset that the Kellogg admissions committee did not see the same value in my candidacy that I did, I am somewhat (okay, very) relieved. My body ached every time I thought about living in Chicago for two consecutive winters and I am quite pleased that I will not be burdened with the decision of turning down an amazing school because I am scared to death of freezing my ass off.

With this decision in (and much earlier than expected) I am now happy to announce that I am 95% sure that I will be staying in the great State of California for school. Yes, there is still a chance that I will get into Yale but I feel fairly confident that I will turn down their offer because my heart is just not in it. I am thrilled that I will be staying in my birth state for at least the next two years because I truly do feel at home here and am constantly re-energized by all it has to offer.

The Top Eleven Reasons I Love California (I couldn’t narrow it down to ten) - in no particular order

1. Seventh Grade - I lived in San Bernardino from 3rd - 7th grade but I remember the last year as the most memorable. It was the year I started to feel like a grown up, going to the movies and the mall without parents, making some lifelong friends and chasing boys (although not for very long).

2. San Francisco – This place makes me feel alive and a part of something; I get butterflies in my stomach every time I drive over the Bay Bridge and I notice a little bounce in my step while strolling down the San Francisco streets.

3. Highway 1 - Spend a day driving south on Highway 1 from Monterey to San Luis Obispo, it will change your life.

4. San Luis Obispo - My favorite place to waste the day or night without really feeling like you are wasting it.

5. Santa Barbara - I will live here someday; I may be retired and close to death but I promise I will make it.

6. San Diego - The city of beaches, best friends and fond memories of a high school graduation trip that has made me forever adverse to Sauza tequila.

7. Lake Tahoe - Although I pretty much failed as a snow bunny I think Tahoe still has a lot to offer me; playtime on the lake in the summer, hiking in the spring, summer and fall and I am pretty sure they serve cold beer all year long!

8. Wine - I enjoy every last sip from the Napa Valley to the Central Coast.

9. Sacramento - The city of my birth and the place where I currently make my home. Despite our love-hate relationship, Sacramento will always have a special place in my heart. I have met some friendly faces here that I hope will be a part of my life forever.

10. Disneyland and Magic Mountain - Family vacations, class trips to Disneyland without permission, visiting old friends, kissing in the women's bathroom, nearly dying of heat stroke in the Arizona desert en route to Disneyland, taking my little sister on vacation and Gay Disney!

11. Los Angeles - Most will find it completely shocking that L.A made the list, but with the prospect of becoming a full time resident of the city in the very near future, I figure I better learn to love it. Despite all the things that I dislike about this place it does have a lot to offer me and I am confident that I will find my little niche somewhere beyond the traffic and paparazzi.

All of My Days - Alexi Murdoch

Today I embarked upon a long journey from my current home in Sacramento, CA to my old home in Tucson, AZ to visit my parents and to leave my dog Sullivan in hands that are currently more capable of care and love than my own. The drive was long but it gave me 13 hours to listen (and at times, sing badly) to a large selection of my music collection. The over-abundance of time that I had to focus on my music gave me a chance to do some deep personal reflection. Listening to music has always been the best means for me to engage in this type of activity as I have the opportunity to connect and relate to the lyrics of others in order to process some of my own thoughts.

To date, the majority of my postings here have been pretty impersonal… although I had hoped to be a bit more personal in this project, I have found myself incapable of doing so; perhaps because I haven’t worked through the feelings and emotions I am experiencing right now or perhaps because I am just scared that you will all think I am crazy (assuming you do not already). My musical experience today inspired me and I helped me to realize that I can share a lot just by sharing some of the lyrics that touch me on a weekly basis (and it is less scary because I didn't write them). In addition to sharing a bit about myself I hope it will also expose some of you to music you might not otherwise hear (although I cannot promise that you won't see some fairly main stream and/or extremely corny stuff on here from time to time - I am a recovering Spice Girls fanatic after all).

So, with that said, my first set of lyrics is from a song that I have been listening to regularly for over year and a half. Although I have always liked the song I have never really connected with the lyrics on a personal level until today. I guess you just have to listen in the right place at the right time … and after 13 hours of music this is the one that hit home for me. Enjoy (you can listen to it on my MySpace page as well).


All of my Days – Alexi Murdoch

Well I have been searching all of my days
All of my days
Many a road, you know
I’ve been walking on
All of my days
And I’ve been trying to find
What’s been in my mind
As the days keep turning into night

Well I have been quietly standing in the shade
All of my days
Watch the sky breaking on the promise that we made
All of this rain
And I’ve been trying to find
What’s been in my mind
As the days keep turning into night

Well many a night I found myself with no friends standing near
All of my days
I cried aloud
I shook my hands
What am I doing here
All of these days
For I look around me
And my eyes confound me
And it’s just too bright
As the days keep turning into night

Now I see clearly
It’s you I’m looking for
All of my days
Soon I’ll smile
I know I’ll feel this loneliness no more
All of my days
For I look around me
And it seems He found me
And it’s coming into sight
As the days keep turning into night
As the days keep turning into night
And even breathing feels all right
Yes, even breathing feels all right
Now even breathing feels all right
It’s even breathing
Feels all right

The Waitlist Blues

It has been exactly two weeks now since I was informed of my waitlisted status at Haas and I have to say it is probably one of the most frustrating experiences of my life. The frustration started with the email informing me that I had been placed on the waitlist; my emotions were like a roller coaster throughout the day as I was not sure if I should be smiling or crying. At first I felt a bit relieved that I had not been dinged but later disappointment set in as I realized that planning for my future was an impossibility as long as the admissions committee waivers in indecision over my status. The letter indicated that I could be removed from the waitlist with a final decision anytime between now and August. I know with some certainty that I cannot wait until the month of August to plan out the next two years of my life. I will wait it out as long as possible, but at some point I will need to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for my future (and I highly doubt that UCLA or USC will allow me to defer my acceptance of admission for too long past April).

Now that two weeks have past I feel myself slipping further and further into the waitlist blues as more and more things in my life have been put on hold. I am in a position that is new and distant for me; a place where I know there is a decision to be made yet I do not have any power to make that decision yet. My frustration and anxiety is growing by the moment and I wonder what kind of emotional mess I might be in by the time Haas delivers their final decision. All I can do is wait; wait to decide where I will live, wait to decide which classes and extracurricular activities I want to be a part of and wait to know which friends I might be spending more time with next Fall. A part of me wishes that Haas would have delivered an actual decision on January 29th, even if it was a “no”; right now anything seems better than this crazy state of “maybe.” Still though, Haas is my first choice and I for now I am happy to still have something to hope for. My heart feels like I belong at Haas and I still have a few ounces of confidence within me that thinks that Haas will realize this too. I have my fingers firmly crossed that this will happen sooner rather than later; else I might be sent to the loony bin before school even starts.